A couple of hours ago

A couple of hours ago, I felt as if the world was leaving me,

I felt as if everyone else was moving BUT me.

I felt as if time had stopped for me and had been removed from everyone else,

So, I was just...stuck...while they floated into infinity.

I felt… Alone.

A couple of hours ago, I didn't believe in myself.

I didn't believe in my dreams or my abilities to lead me to achieve my dreams.

I didn't believe I should share my thoughts and ideas because they weren't good enough...

I didn't believe that I was good enough…

I felt... useless.

A couple of hours ago, I watched myself fade away

Into an abyss that comes only once every lifetime.

It takes along with-it dreaded souls that can't seem to grasp

the true meaning of living inside the existing.

And it would trap the souls that could never seem to make it to the finish line.

My soul was threatened by the eager soul reaper.

I felt... trapped.

A couple of hours ago, what I thought didn't matter.

Who I was didn't matter.

How I was doing, and what I was going through didn't matter.

“I should! --- just… keep quiet.”

And not say anything, and just let my silence grow louder

until it drives me insane.

Be quiet.

Keep quiet.

You're not fighting.

You're succumbing.

You're losing…

You already lost.

I felt... hopeless.

A couple of hours ago… that was me.

Looking at every other object except the human being, being reflected in the mirror.

Listening to every other heart beat, except the one that should really matter.

Hiding from everything except disaster.

Confiding in every “relief” except my Master.

A couple of hours ago … I could not be defined…

But… That was a couple of hours ago…

Now, I'm fighting,

I'm talking,

I'm moving,

I'm breathing,

I'm feeling,

I can feel.

I can feel the rush of excitement through my veins,

My smile is as wide as the ocean and my drive

will run out of gas when I meet the East point farthest from the West.

Wait…

There is no ending.

So, I guess I'll be a river and not a stream, and just keep going…

Flowing into my purpose,

Into my truth,

Into my strength…

It's my turn now…

I know it,

I can feel it,

I want it…

I need it…

Gotta have it…

I will receive it.

I claim it.

Now, watch me take it.

A couple of hours later… I've come alive.

© Kaeonna Walters